Voluntary Molestation.

Yesterday, I was late for work, which means that I had to cab it in order to get there on time....So I stick two fingers in the cold Korean air and wait as cabbie after cabbie slow towards me then drive off when they see my face. It such a pain getting a cab here sometimes...I wouldn't call them racist yet...but there is just an overall fear of anything non-white or Korean. (meaning me...)
Anyways, I managed to get a cab driver to stop and I got in quickly before he decides to change his mind. When I get in, the dude was just staring at me...I told him where I needed to go and he continued to stare at me...I look in his eyes and he looks a little drunk...(not the first time I put my life in the hands of a drunk cab driver btw...)We set out for my destination and he tells me Happy New Year, in Korean. (Which happens to be one of the few phrases I can say and understand) He asks me if I am American and I say yes, I dunno why, I usually do not claim America when I am abroad...too much animosity and ill feelings.

Now the part where I get molested is as follows. As we are driving he grabs my leg and moves up and down my thigh feeling my muscles. At the first touch, the dude got wide-eyed and said "YOU SO BIGGG!!!!," in a sloppy drunken Korean drawl. Then he started grabbing my arms and feeling my muscles and reiterated his previous thought.

Now if I was in the States I would react a little differently to being touched like that but in Korea I have noticed that many of the men do not have the same personal bubbles of comfort when it comes to man to man touching like in the States. I could think of a number of my friends who would be quick to label me gay and the driver definitely gay, but because of the way things are here, I hesitated to try and put a label on him.

The men here form personal relationships amongst each other a bit more quickly and more intimatly then the friendships in the States. Touching each other, holding hands, etc, is not abnormal to see and it doesn't represent anything other than their friendship. So, as the guy was touching me, the one thing going through my head was, why was he touching me when we are not even friends...?

When we got to my job, I gave him the money and got out the cab quickly, ass first, just to avoid any further....curiosities. I called a Korean friend of mine who speaks impeccable English and told him about what just happened just to gain a bit of perspective. I confess I am not 100% on Korean culture and what is acceptable and what isn't.

"Are you gay?" was his immediate response. He told me that, yes, Korean friends get close and may be more accepting of touching but cab drivers shouldn't touch you! He said upon the first grab I should've called the complaint line and reported him. I felt like a dumb. I let a man molest me just so I wouldn't infringe on any cultural boundaries and offend him. So much for being culturally aware...

Now just to clear up any confusion he ONLY touched my thigh and my arm, my naughty bits went un-fondled and as stated earlier I got out the cab ASS-first, avoiding any good bye ass smacks...

This is an example of how after being here for 5 months I am still making mistakes in understanding Koreans and their ways....Its frustrating sometimes but it's still very interesting to keep learning.

My Emasculation.

I found a basketball court my first night here, much sooner than I expected too. There were quite a few guys here who play ball but I didn’t know how to articulate myself into a game. So that night I thought I would just watch and get an understanding about who this court works. Every basketball court has a different way running things, especially when dealing with international courts.

An hour into watching guys play I get a sharp poke in my lower back and there were 5 old heavily inebriated Korean gentleman with an average height of 4’5. One of the guys spoke English well enough where I could tell him what I was doing, where I was from, etc. Once I said I was American and that I play ball. All hell broke loose...

4 of the 5 guys stepped onto a game already in progress and started yelling at the players in Korean and began pointing at me. The 5th guy grabbed my hand forcibly and yanked me onto the court and told me to play. He stood there in the middle of the court with my hand firmly in his ordering the Koreans ballers to allow to me play.

The guys who were in the middle of a game looked at me like I was an asshole…as if I organized this hostile take over. I tried to plead with the drunk let the players finish so I could get next game but the guy holding my hand would NOT let me leave nor would he let go of my hand. He was soo strong, I couldn’t break his hold. I felt like big baby trying to plead with this little drunk guy while he was holding my hand...
Seeing as there seemed to be no other way out of this, I asked who wanted to play with me and we made teams. My first day I played horribly, a combination of a 14 hour flight, jet lag, and the usual aches and pains, kept me from being the force that I usually am. ;) It didn't help that the old guys turned into the loudest, rowdiest audience anyone could ask for. Every brick (missed shot) and turnover was met with hostility and laughter, and I knew they were making fun. They were a kin to those old guys in the Muppet Movies except they spoke Korean and were smaller.
overall though it was fun, I lost my first game and the guys got their court back. I continued to play for the next 2 hours or so and I left. I said good-bye to my ‘fans,’ and I went home.
The next week or so, those drunks are still there and still super fans of mine, but they keep calling me Obama…which has become my official nickname on that basketball court….
3 months since that day, those guys I played ball with that first time are some of my closest friends. (Pictured from the left: Leo, Jin Bam, Sung Yung)


Basketball is my constant, it keeps me social, vibrant, laughing, and happy no matter where in the world I am...